Reclaiming Your Life After a Broadside Collision

As I walk along I wonder a-what went wrong with our love, a love that was so strong. And as I still walk on, I think of the things we’ve done together, a-while our hearts were young.

Del Shannon

Sometimes You Gotta Go

Some people change lanes to launch a new career at midlife. Some change lanes to give back to their community for the blessings they’ve received. But others change lanes to survive.

Survival is a primal motivator. Thankfully, most of us are not pushed to change our lives because calamity strikes.  Nevertheless, we can learn a lot from those who change lanes effectively under extraordinary duress. While we might not suffer from the same challenges, we often erect barriers to change that seem insurmountable. Summoning the courage to overcome those barriers can be pretty daunting. We can look for guidance to those who have faced disaster by reinventing themselves.

Long after we published out book, Susan and I continued to meet change artists whose stories inspire us to share the hard-won lessons with you.

Some months ago, I hired Judy Feltman as our new property manager for our vacation home in Deer Valley. Judy learned that I had written a book about changing lanes and offered to share her story with Susan and me. She said we wouldn’t believe it, and we probably wouldn’t but for the corroborating information we found on the internet. It’s the kind of story you expect to see on CSI but this one turns out to be a reality show.

It’s about a woman my age (don’t ask) who grew up in a small town in Indiana. The town was founded by her grandfather who owned the local department store and headed the only Jewish family for miles around. Judy’s father, a former Flying Tiger, gave her all sorts of guy stuff to play with like fishing poles and cowboy gear, instilling in her the confidence that she could “do anything a guy could do.” She married her college boyfriend and settled into an Ozzie and Harriet life in California, or so she thought.

When her marriage failed, she chose to stay in California living the professional woman single life—independent and successful. Eight years later, her best friend introduced her to a very charismatic, handsome, fun-loving man—a former Olympian in luge, no less—who stole her heart away.

Judy quit her job, sold her house, and followed her man to Sun Valley where Bud was national sales manager for a ski equipment company. Getting pregnant proved to be a challenge and several attempts at adoptions fell through, but Judy still reveled in her idyllic life. She joined Bud in a new business venture selling ski accessories, complementing his marketing skills with her business savvy. While Bud traveled the world selling product, Judy managed the back office, stretching herself to learn new skills, even esoteric ones like foreign exchange. Eventually, they were able to adopt a little girl, Miley, who completed their Ozzie and Harriet home. 

The company was well funded by a group of heavy-duty investors, including billionaire, Herb Allen, whom Bud had attracted to the company. Allen& Co. is known for its marquee clients like Rupert Murdoch, Barry Diller, and Coca Cola and its annual client conference in Sun Valley. With that kind of backing, and a huge client like Phillip Morris, the company and the Feltmans were flying high.

The only problem Judy could foresee on the horizon was the fact that they were too dependent on their top customer whose power position allowed them to call the shots. But when times are good, it’s very hard to focus on the potential downside of a very lucrative deal.

So Judy didn’t see the disaster looming when her company was asked to provide the gift bags for the big-shot attendees of the Allen&Co. Sun Valley Conference. Working round the clock to meet the deadline, Judy was surprised to learn that Bud had cut out to go fishing. She finished the project in time, but as the guests arrived and the big event began—there was still no sign of Bud.

Hours passed and Judy had to come to terms with the realization that Bud had disappeared. The car was found near the river and Judy began to fear that he had drowned. With the generous help of the Allen&Co. investors, she launched a massive search and rescue operation employing four helicopters, but nothing turned up.

Sometime later, Judy received a letter and a strange call from the man she had presumed was dead. Bud was crying and almost incoherent. She could barely make out what he was saying but he seemed to be warning her that she and Miley were in danger. He believed someone was hired to kill him and that he had to run away. Judy hospitalized him, informed all the investors what had happened, and tried to clear up all the debts he had left behind.

With all the notoriety surrounding her family, Judy felt she had no choice but to move away. Miley was three at the time and she wanted to give both of them a fresh start. They moved to Park City, Utah where Judy was able to find a night job working in a store. Bud eventually rejoined them, working as a ski instructor and later in time-share sales. Their tattered eleven year marriage seemed to be mending. A friend asked Judy to manage a property for her and this started her on the path of a new career.

A Hard Rain’s A-gonna Fall

Judy was again to learn that the Ozzie and Harriet life she longed for was pure fantasy.           

The Olympics were coming to Salt Lake City in 2002, and Bud, as an ex-Olympian, was asked to be a torchbearer. Given his history, Judy advised him against it, but Bud couldn’t resist the lure of the limelight. Big mistake. All the old stuff from Sun Valley was dredged up in the media, and Bud fell into a deep depression.

Their relationship went quickly downhill, and Bud eventually left Judy and Miley and moved to Hawaii with another woman. Miley, who adored her father, blamed her mother. As if that weren’t enough to deal with, Judy next discovered that she had breast cancer. There was a problem with the reconstructive surgery, leaving Judy with a serious staph infection.

About this point in the story, I’m thinking, as you must be, that I can’t take any more. This poor woman has been through enough. Yet, learning that she was going to make it—and knowing she had a daughter to raise—Judy says she “felt like doing cartwheels down the hall.” She felt blessed that she’d been given a second chance.

All the Pretty Little Horses

She had survived and knew that her continued survival depended on her taking responsibility for her life and making a healthy home for her daughter. “I try to see the good in everything,” she says.

Sounds Pollyana-ish, but Judy is as practical as they come. This is her strength.

Happily, her property management business flourished and she was blessed with really good friends (both animal and human) who gave her the emotional support she needed. She lives in the country in an environment that brings to mind her happy childhood in Indiana. Her horses are her pride and joy.

Ozzie and Harriet never had it so good.

Judy’s story shows us that we are capable of renewing ourselves even under the toughest circumstances. If you’ve been holding back from changing lanes for fear of failure or concerns about status, age, or money, look to Judy for guidance. You can overcome those barriers if you have to. Yes you can.

For more inspiration on midlife renewal, check out the road maps in Changing Lanes and share your story with us.

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