Searching for Meaning, Purpose, and all those other Blissed-out Phrases

Man’s main concern is not to gain pleasure or to avoid pain, but rather to see a meaning to his life.

Viktor Frankl, "Man’s Search for Meaning"

Is That All There Is?

When Jane and I decided to write this book, we needed a guinea pig for our first interview. I immediately thought of my friend, Ruth. She, like many of us, had been both a beneficiary and a victim of her own business success. But in her case, she decided to embark on a radical life-style change…she went searching for her calling.

It’s important to Ruth’s story to understand that she believes strongly that “everything praiseworthy in this world evolves from the consciousness of community.” I like the word “consciousness” in particular because so many of us are on auto-pilot (ahh, but that’s a topic for another blog another day!). 

Ruth is from Kansas and had a typical upbringing, went to college, traveled through Europe on her own, and thought she’d join the Peace Corps. Hmm, definitely a child of the ‘60s!! Rejecting the administrative role they offered her, Ruth went on to get an MBA and found a great job….as administrative assistant. Thank goodness those days are largely behind us girls. In any case, her meteoric rise from secretary to group VP of operations surprised no more than herself. 

I met Ruth at the peak of her career. I didn’t realize at first that she was deeply troubled. She later told us, “I felt mummified, as if my spirit would die.” Sounds like a typical midlife crisis, right? As with many of us, she was asking, “Is that all there is?” She wanted to live a life of greater purpose. In our book, I describe myself as feeling like the “reluctant executive.” Being good at what you do, but not getting enough psychic reward. I must confess that I look upon with envy those people who love what they do every day and never want to stop!

So what did Ruth do? Well, she took steps that aren’t necessary or appropriate to others, but they worked for her. Realizing she needed a compass to guide her way (don’t we all?), she started experimenting with religion, especially those based in Eastern philosophies, but eventually came back around to Christianity as a foundation for social justice and her call to activism. She went to a therapist to deal with personal issues and sought a spiritual leader to guide her search for greater authenticity. After this process was initiated, one key decision was made for Ruth: her company was purchased and she was without a job. So while her peers moved quickly to comparable jobs in the industry, Ruth went on to obtain a Certificate of Theological Studies from the Pacific School of Religion in Berkeley. 

Granted, she had the money to do so. She was able to keep her home while living frugally on campus. I think that’s the hardest for many of us. With or without the money, are we really willing to do with less? If we normally shop at Macy’s, will Target do as well? For Ruth, the answer was yes...and I admire her choices. 

Now, one more important piece of background on Ruth: her mother was a Spanish teacher and hosted Cuban refugees in their home while Ruth was growing up. That experience, plus annual treks to Mexico with her parents for most of her first 30 years, instilled in her an abiding passion for social justice and a consciousness of community. With that backdrop, it was straightforward for Ruth to connect the dots between who she really was from childhood to her new theological awareness. 

After a series of home stays with Latino families in South LA, Guatemala, and Mexico, she found her way to the Mexican border working with the Sisters of Mercy in Anthony, NM—one of the poorest communities in the US and across the border from Juarez, Mexico, a city of two million people. There, the Women’s Intercultural Center appears like an oasis. It was founded to house volunteers who would teach English as a second language and minister to the Latinas in the community. Of course, Ruth’s professional skills were immediately put to use—they asked her to be the director of the center and develop cooperative businesses that Latinas could eventually run. 

Could you excise yourself from your life as it exists today and plop yourself in the middle of nowhere, with infrequent connection to friends and family? Wait a minute…that sounds like a Peace Corps turn of duty, doesn’t it? Maybe it’s not so hard for those of us with less imagination that Ruth!

Anyway, after two years and many successful co-ops in place, Ruth recruited a new full-time director for the Center. She decided to move on now that she has successfully taken the Center to the next level. And, she trusts herself to know what will come next. When we visited her, she was on that cusp. Here’s what she told us, “I want to live more intentionally, and place is not the point. I will find a quiet space and listen deeply to myself.” Ruth draws emotional strength from surrounding herself with familiar things. One such thing is her alter, a constant touchstone. I’ll close Ruth’s story with a description of what we saw when we visited her:

A hand-woven cloth covers the base. A cross is placed in its center, surrounded by two candles, a small painting of an Apache Christ, a bowl containing stones and gems of personal significance, and block prints made by the Latinas with who she lived and worked. 

So what was Ruth’s roadmap? I think she successfully combined three of our roadmaps to renew herself. First, she had to turn off the auto-pilot . She could have easily decided to stay in the industry when her company was purchased, but she didn’t. She decided to make a substantive and lasting impact in this world by paying it forward (and nicely done!). Perhaps most importantly, was Ruth’s comment about living more intentionally by listening to herself…not being attached to accomplishing things on a deadline, of being in specific places, or having permanence. For Ruth, she realized it’s the journey.

What’s your journey?

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