Going Gray….it’s a choice

Jane...go for it!!!  Although my hair is now totally white (that’s me in the picture with Dad and Jane), I was originally dark brown.  I started turning white when I was 16 yrs old, with the real progression happening in my 30’s.  After growing up watching my mother color her hair (she still does at the age of 80) I vowed I would never start.  It’s a decision in life that I have never regretted.  Having turned white at an early age I’ve gotten many funny comments over the years but the one consistent comment from other women is..."I wish mine looked that good.” My response is usually..."it probably does.” Hairdressers get paid a lot of money ensuring that women keep their hair colored and they are usually the ones that tell you it would not look good on you...isn’t that a classic conflict of interest?  As for men, I find they are fascinated with my white hair.  I have even had men mindlessly reach over and touch it and then apologize when they realize what they are doing.  The three main reasons I don’t color my hair are 1)the expense and hassle factor which Jane so clearly discusses; 2)I like the statement it makes about me...my independence and confidence; and 3) I really like the color of my hair!  So for all of you that are still in the color rut - go for it, free yourself, you’ll love it!!!!  Kim

Hi Jane… You would look fantastic in sexy silver hair! After coloring my hair to keep it dark for several years, I made the hard choice to let it come in naturally when I was around 35.  I cut my hair two inches long all over and agonized over the choice for about… well, a good little while.  It wasn’t easy to cut off the flowing locks or to look like someone other than myself for a few months.  But I’ll tell you this:  now that my hair is long and a beautiful natural shade of gray, I realize I didn’t look like my true self for all those years I colored it before.  The trick of course is to own it fully - not just wear it naturally but wear it proudly and confidently.  Just ask Susan… she’ll tell you that’s the approach I took. Rarely does a day go by that someone doesn’t stop me in a store, on the street, on a plane or in a business meeting to compliment me on my hair.  Women think I’m courageous and men seem drawn to the confidence it projects.  The best part?  It makes me unique… uniquely me.  Going gray was the biggest lane change of my life so far and I’m not looking back.  Well, most days.  ‘-) Do it!  Lisa Lai

I am your age and totally at the same place. I would like to find a way to transition out of dying to going au natural. My hair dresser is appalled that I am even thinking of this move. My question is:other than cutting your hair short, is there a way to “highlight” in gray and then let nature take it’s course?

Carolyn,
I checked in with my hairdresser, and you won’t like the answer! Her opinion is that it never looks right to try and highlight in the gray. You’ll always have white roots showing. She believes that the best way to let your hair grow out naturally is to try and match your “ends” with a “semi-permanent” color. She says just keep doing the roots and keep it touched up until you finally get all the dyed hair cut off. Then the semi-permanent color will fade in time and should not have changed your now-natural color at all. I hope this makes sense!! Unfortunately, there are no miracle remedies here....you just have to go through the transition.

Jane, I am at the exact same place.  I get tired of going to my hairdresser and spending the money every 4 weeks.  I am on week 4 right now and I want to give it a try.  My husband is very encouraging, not that it really matters.  My siblings all have gone gray/white and make comments about how I am the oldest and the only one with dark hair.  I think that I will also need to lop off the locks to get there.  I don’t think I could take watching the root crawl option.  Thanks for the info.

Sherri,
I wish you luck with your program! Just today, I noticed an article in the L.A. Times supplement, Living Well: The Second Half by Barbara Beckley entitled The Politics of Gray Hair - Is it a Trend Now to embrace your Silver Locks? - with great big photos of Jamie lee Curtis, Toni Morrison, Anderson Cooper and Emmylou Harris.
Go for it!
Jane

Sharon,
The site is terrific. You all look maahhvelous! Thanks for sharing this site with our readers.
Jane

Jane, it’s a tough decision to go white. I decided last January to stop getting tints every four weeks. My hair stylist helped by giving me a weave. She suggested the white hair wouldn’t be so noticeable if she put some blond color in my brown hair. It took six months to get my hair to grow completely white. A couple of those months had my hair looking like the color of Kim’s cat, Goofus, which I thought looked pretty cool. Now I look at a face in the mirror and ask “who is that lady?"My husband and I are adjusting to the new me and he has decided to call me “his dandelion.” I’ll be 81 next week and keep telling myself to look my age. The problem with that is I don’t feel any older than when I was 60. The bottom line is release any fear you may have about the change. You will still be your charming self. - Kitty

Yesterday, with the help of my hairdresser, I made the decision to go from brunette to gray.  (I just turned 56.) So, in preparation, we cut my long hair to just below my ears.  I’m still getting used to it, and, frankly, missing my locks.  But it helps that my mother has gorgeous shiny silver/white hair, and judging from my roots, mine will be the same.  In time. 

It also helps to read so many positive comments from women who have made the courageous decision and completed the awkward transition. 

Whenever I saw a woman in public with flowing silver hair, I always complimented her and envied her unique style. 

My hairdresser plans to use color weaving to help with the transition, and I’m a bit nervous about it, but I’m looking forward to the day when I have long, healthy silver hair.

Kat,
Congratulations on your making the move to a natural and healthy hairstyle.You make me feel like such a wuss! I’m now in thrall to an annual Brazlian blow-out. Actually makes my hair thicker and a lot easier to manage - but it’s still one more demand on my time and resources I’ve chosen to take on.
Like I said, it’s all about personal choice and I applaud yours.
Jane

Thanks for the encouragement, Jane.  I figured I’d more or less chart my progress, or lack thereof, during this transition to silver, if that’s okay with you.  It’s getting to me a little today, and the promise of stranger hair to come is making me falter ever so slightly.

I’m already beginning to see the first white roots since my last (and final) coloring (dark brown) on July 14th.  And my next appointment with my stylist isn’t for two more weeks!  I’ll look like a skunk by then! 

So now, part of me wants to get dressed and run out to the store for my hair color fix.  Then I look at the root and imagine the eventual long silver hair I’ll have and that stops me.  Eventual is the operative word here though.  Eventual pretty much means at least two years until I’m actually happy with my hair again, and that’s a sobering thought. 

Two years.  I’m not the baseball cap type.  Or the wide hair band type.  Or the scarf type.  Or the skunk type.  So my plan now is not to leave the house for the next two weeks, except to skulk from my car across the parking lot into the salon.  If there’s an emergency, or I give in to my dependence on food and water and have to go out, I suppose the baseball cap option freaks me out the least.  This isn’t going to be easy. 

I have to admit that everyone I’ve asked about it says, “Go for it.  It’ll look great with blue eyes.” It’s so much easier said than done.

I did some online research into this whole silver hair thing and to my surprise, discovered that it’s all the rage now, primarily because baby boomers have taken the leap and gone naturally silver.  Now twenty-somethings are trying to get silver hair from a bottle.  In the latest issue of Vogue, there’s a ten page spread featuring a woman with waist-length silver hair.  Go figure.

In two weeks my stylist wants to weave different colors into my hair to make the new roots less obvious, but this is hard for me to imagine.  I don’t want to end up looking like I couldn’t decide which color I wanted, so I got them all.  I’m wondering now why we didn’t let the dark brown color fade before we jumped into this silver thing?  Or, wouldn’t a semi-permanent color on the gray until it grows out be an option?  Has anyone tried this? 

I seriously doubt there’s an easy way to do this.  But, I’m still going to do it.  Which isn’t to say I’ll feel this way in another week.

Another thing you might consider to get you thru the transition stage: a wig. I wore one for a dance performance of SHARE ladies, in which we were supposed to be Dreamgirls a la the SUpremes. I didn’t want to subject my thin hair to all the teasing required, so I opted for the wig, courtesy of one of the SHARE ladies. It was light weight, breathed beacuse of all the performations, and had great texture. I actually loved it. Anyway, it’s got to be better than holing up in your house for months!
Jane

Thanks, Jane.  I did consider a wig.  Or at least trying some on.  It might be tolerable when the weather cools off.  I live in the high desert and right now, it gets pretty hot. 

So.  I had my hair appointment yesterday.  My stylist put varying shades of blonde highlights in my hair to camoflage the silver roots.  My hair was naturally a dark golden brown, and I always had it colored as close to my natural color as possible, so to see the result was shocking, to say the least.  I had planned to do some shopping after my hair appointment, but I was so stunned by the result, and hating it, to be honest, that I went straight home and vowed to color my hair until the day I die. 

My stylist did a good job; the almost white blonde highlights are very fine, not big ‘chunks’ as I’m sure you’ve seen.  She made me promise to give it a week, then if I still couldn’t live with it, we’d go back to coloring.

For the rest of the day, I kept looking at my hair in the mirror.  And every time I did, I got a shock.  I found this month’s Vogue and took out one of the photographs of the model with the waist-length silver hair and put it on my fridge.  I think if I keep my focus on the goal of long healthy silver hair, I can get through this.

This morning, it was a shock again to first look in the mirror, but less so.  I think I’m getting used to it and now thinking, maybe it’s not so bad.  Maybe it’s actually kind of cool… I might get through this yet.

If I had some advice for a woman considering this, I would say let your color fade before you do the blonde highlights, so there is less contrast.  Other than that, you just have to keep your eye on the goal of healthy silver hair and know that it will happen eventually.